Viva Brasil...my proposed reality TV show

You are all quite an interesting and rather quiet crowd. Apparently I have quite an active following of readers as I have started getting emails and IMs from all of you commenting on my posts and letting me know the span of people that are now reading from your friends and families also. I guess you all prefer to remain anonymous in your comments back to me (or keep the racy ones private, haha). Though, I have to give a shout out to Lindsey who appears as my ONLY follower (Thanks...love ya Linds!).

I won't share all these comments but have had some very interesting ones. Glad I'm providing some comic relief.

I will share one that I had posted on Facebook. This week, Chris (my boss in the US)made one of the best comments, changing the subject on a work related string, saying now we should discuss my upcoming reality TV show called Viva Brasil. I absolutely love this and think I could make such a show quite entertaining, though as Scott suggested, it will have to be on past 10pm due to ahem more mature content.

Thanks for reading and the comments back.
Miss you all!

First Proposal

So I posted recently about my colleagues trying to find me a Brazilian husband. On Friday this quest heated up and I could have potentially sealed a deal, if I was so inclined. As you all know, this is not really at the top of my current priority list. Despite my lack of interest in this, I have one colleague that is particularly motivated on this singular mission to keep me in Brazil by marrying me off. She frequently describes potential candidates she wants to introduce me to, and brings up the topic to anyone who will listen. On Friday, she managed to weave this into the conversation in a meeting with a vendor. You know, in case they also knew of any quality candidates. Okay. UAU. (wow in portuguese). To her credit, she is very specific in her criteria for potential husbands for me and did spell out to our vendor contacts that only quality, established candidates need apply. It's like I have my own personal broker here in Brazil.

So, funnily enough, this same night, I received my first proposal. The girls and I were out for the evening watching some local band do covers of every classic rock song you can think of. This band was actually quite good (lots of great live music here, more on that later) and so we were watching and not really paying attention to anyone around us. Eventually I realized I had an admirer, as this more uh, "mature" gentleman approached me and started talking a mile a minute to me in portguese. I eventually responded to him in the first sentence I mastered when I got here: "Eu não falo português" (I don't speak portuguese). Though he did not speak a word of English, he was not deterred. He got one of my Brazilian friends and explained to her at length that he was asking to marry me. That he could provide me a very nice lifestyle (as he was quite wealthy - he describe the details and credentials of such) and that I could stay here in Brazil and be very happy. My translating friend looked at me and said, he is VERY serious about this and now, well, what do you think? Should I tell him Yes or No?

UM....NO. Seriously dude. What are you smoking? Besides being closer to my parent's age bracket than mine, you cannot even exchange 2 sentences with me. What do you think the answer is?!. But, great fodder for me to laugh/write about. And, I can't wait to tell my colleague on Monday that her quest could have been successful, had I not put in an emphatic veto vote.

Somehow, I have a feeling this will not be my last marriage proposal while in Brazil. It's just that kind of place.

No boundaries

This is an ammendment to my post from yesterday.

Another of my new daily comedies I enjoy is counting the number of times someone answers a cell phone in the middle of a meeting. This happens AT LEAST a few times in a given meeting. The worst offenders use the Full Volume Answer. In these cases, the call recipient acts like they are not in a meeting at all and proceed to talk over who ever is speaking or presenting for as long as the call requires. There are no apologies expected or given in these situations. My favorite is watching this happen when there is an executive presenting and whoever the peon employee is answering the phone does so without qualms. Its quite entertaining. Almost as entertaining is the Whisper Answer. In these cases, the call recipient pretends that answering the phone in a stage whisper is not equally as distracting. The best of all is when the person speaking or presenting the one that actually takes a call in the middle of speaking and makes everyone else wait until they tell their wife that yes, they will be home in time for dinner.


My top count of Call answers in meetings was about 11 (3 or 4 by the same offender), but today I think I topped out the count at about 15. You can only beat this with the taking (business) calls from the bathroom stall, another regular occurence that always freaks me out a bit. Is this really necessary? Are you talking to a customer in there? This really crosses a boundary that should not ever be crossed.

And, more to my post about being late - today I was really tipped over the edge on the 'flexible' concept of time here. My last meeting of the day started 15 minutes late and and end 55 minutes overtime, well past 8pm. Again, HOW does anyone get any work done around here? This answers the question why I am I still in the office... Not. Impressed.

Yelling in the office, dental hygiene & other daily events

Whenever I'm on a conference call in the SP office, people on the phone ask me if I'm in an airport or a shopping mall. No, I'm sitting at my desk. this is the normal noise level. it is LOUD. Overly, distractingly, are-you-serious loud.
My colleagues just favour holding their calls ON SPEAKER phone. Yelling over the open desk partitions (there is no such thing as a cube here. If you reach to the left or right you will touch your neighbour).
This yelling behaviour usually heats up around now, at 2:30-3pm, when everyone starts to get cabin fever.
Sadly, it is only about halfway through our work day since everyone insists on staying here till about 8pm. They claim its due to the traffic but I don't buy it.
I am not loving that part - it really busts that laid back Latin America myth that everyone works a little bit and enjoys life a lot. Not here, sadly for me. I personally would rather get some work done in a slightly quieter environment and get the hell outta dodge early enough in the evening to actually have a social life. Apparently I'm the only non married person on this floor otherwise, I might get some support for this *revolutionary* new schedule.

In other news, Brazilians have absolute best dental hygiene I've ever witnessed.
Each person keeps a kit at their desk with toothbrushes, toothpaste and dental floss. If you go into the washrooms after the lunch hour, you will walk into a line of women doing a full regime on their teeth. At first it surprised me but now I'm just generally impressed with their cultural commitment to clean teeth. Something we can learn from the Brazilianos.

My new daily event is being late for everything. Apparently I learn quickly. I learned this lesson after arriving on time for a full team meeting that supposedly started at 7:15. This was a ruse to ensure everyone showed up sometime after 8am. The meeting commenced at 8:18. I was not impressed and have now taken to arriving fashionably late for all my meetings. Yesterday, I arrived 4 minuutes late to a meeting with my boss (this is a stretch for me - he is my boss after all), only to wind up waiting 9 more minutes for the rest of the team to show up. I think I need to stretch my median late time to 10 mins.

The yelling is still going on. I really should tape this, writing just does not do it justice.

More reasons to love Fridays

We already love Fridays for obvious reasons.
Now, I've learned to love Fridays even more. It's the day that Casual Friday gets reinvented each week in ways I did not dream possible.
There are low cut tops with cleavage for all to enjoy, short mid-riff tops, tight embellished jeans, sexy sandals.... you get the idea. And that is just the women.
The men also favour tight embellished jeans and I've seen more than a few muscle tight t-shirts.
Then, on top of all the body parts, it is SEX day.
What does this mean, you ask?
Friday in Portuguese is Sexta-Feira (sixth day). Shortened it is SEX. My cell phone and my office phone display this prominently in capital letters All. Day. Long.
What time is it?
SEX.
SEX.
SEX.

How does anyone get any work done around here !?!?

Meeting adventures

Every day brings some kind of hilarity at the office, of the commonly deemed 'workplace inappropriate' kind to North Americans. The best part is, these moments are most frequently taking place in actual meetings. The topics of conversation never cease to amaze me and make me have to try not to laugh out loud. I get no end of enjoyment out of these daily goings on and usually I'm immediately on IM or email to share these gems with Danielle and others in the NYC office. Still, I have found myself somewhat taken aback in some cases - I guess some things take awhile to get used to.

Some of my favorite examples:
Friday - In marketing meeting, discussing Channel marketing plan and our "PLAN A" approach while I'm here for 6 months. Colleague brings up "PLAN B" which is finding Brooke a Brazilian husband so I won't leave the country. Excellent. Ongoing conversation ensues about potential candidates for my future betrothed. Okay, that one is tame but still funny, granted.


Thursday of last week before Carnaval - In meeting with 2 Channel managers discussing their territory coverage, quotas and the like. Conversation moves to Carnaval and of course my imminent trip to Salvador. The guys proceed to demonstrate to me what men may attempt to do to me at Carnaval (involves sound effects, tongue demonstration and all sorts of sexual inuendo not at all subtely acted out). WOW.

[NB: Mom, none such things actually happened! ;-)]

And, taking the cake, (this one has been widely circulated already), one of my bosses kicks off his Sales meeting with a little video as a starter to get things going. It's a Deniro clip from some old movie. Questionable/sexist motivational value and ragingly inappropriate. You just can't make this shit up. I love it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdG_VOweHTw

(I'm sure there will be more regular posts on this same topic).

Rio Wind Down (Well, not really)

We continue on from Salvador to Rio de Janeiro to end our last few days of Carnaval. I should add here that in Brazil we got three business days holiday for this celebration, which I was estatic about considering SAP gives us ZERO public holidays in the US from Jan 1 through Memorial Day. I am enjoying this Latin America holiday calendar, that is for sure!
So we arrive to a gorgeous 3 bedroom apartment that Scott has somehow miraculously arranged for us through an apartment swap with a Carioca. It is about a block off Copacabana beach and we are thrilled. Day 1 involves some catch up sleep and wandering in the much more low key street parties for Carnaval. We hit the beach as well (staying completely under the umbrellas since its hotter than Hades and this gringa has not gotten any colour yet). I'm so white small children were staring at me wide eyed when I went swimming. Best of all on the beach is complete state of near-nudity that people of all ages, shapes, sizes enjoy. It's quite refreshing to see, I embrace it! In fact, I purchased my first brazilian bikini, which leaves much more cheek exposed though I did not bare all (yet - you'll have to wait for future posts Haha) in a thong bikini. I figure that is just too much white even for this open culture.
I start to think we're done with the carnaval parties. Nope, think again... We head for the hills to check out Santa Teresa, a funky area up overlooking Rio. Scott, Cynthia and I take over a gorgeous patio area at the posh Santa teresa hotel. I will definitely be staying there in the future. Three bottles of wine later, we go meet my friend mariana and crew of other friends from SP and Mexico City, just arrived also from Salvador. We start out a botteco (casual open air bars common here). A bunch of drinks, some food and laughs in 3 languages later, we are hosting a party at our apartment, drinking makeshift sangria and dancing in the living room. Realizing that my flight is in oh, 3 or 4 hours, we decide we may as well just stay up. Good god. It always seems like a good idea at the time. It was NOT a good idea.

I finally get in a cab about 4am, go straight to the airport for my flight back to Sao Paulo. I land, get stuck in rush hour back to the apartment have only time to drop my stuff, shower and I'm back at the office giving a presentation shortly after arrival.
This is the part where I remind myself repeatedly that I am THIRTY ONE and not TWENTY ONE. My brain doesn't ever remember this when I'm in the middle of having fun, however. I never did lose that kid quality of refusing to go to sleep in case of missing out on the fun. I am becoming convinced that I am not ever going to shake this. So, the all nighters continue.

Nice to be back in Sao Paulo. It is starting to feel like home.

CRISTO...The only way to describe Carnaval in Salvador!!!

Words are not enough to describe the pure insanity that is Carnaval in Salvador in Bahia, Brazil. Holy. Crap.
Check out the video I took to get an idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOJsmIx4Z7Y

We party like 21 year old rockstars most every night, jumping up and down in the streets in a sea of sweaty people for hours on end, closing out each night at a random beach bar, till the sun comes up and its hot as hell already. After the first night, I begin wearing my bikini out under my clothes every night, since the evenings turn to mornings. On one of the last days I was actually concerned that I was going to get sunburnt. Should have packed my sunscreen and sunglasses too! We rinse and repeat on this for four nights straight.
We checked out some different parties - the best the Camarote de Nana which is a huge party location they construct along the street party. It had a beach bar, a club, and outdoor area to watch the music and the street party, food, booze and most importantly, BATHROOMS! (much better than samba school experience!).
Good times were had here and I would definitely be back for this again.
Strangely, this is not a tourist destination party and I didn't see or hear any other foreigners the entire time were were there.
We also have a go at a bloco - dancing along the street party route, within the ropes of a parade truck featuring a specific band or music star. Claudia Leite (another famous chantuese around here) was our bloco and while I love her music, I did not love being pushed in the throng of people for over four hours. This and the ugliest abada (tshirt) you have ever seen (required for entry), made the patience testing part of the whole experience. But I survived to enjoy another Caiprioska! Of course.

After all this, my liver hurts a lot and I'm thankful I packed my sleep mask since we only caught some zzz's during daylight hours.
We also met a ton of interesting and hilarious people that made this trip great.
I will be back to Salvador another time to enjoy the beaches in the more traditional fashion (ie sunbathing during daylight).

Tchau Salvador!

PS: The feature photos on my blog is me dancing at said beach bar in Salvador around 7am so you can get the full visual effect.

Socialista Paulista

Well, it doesn't take me long.
Thanks to a couple introductions from colleagues to their friends with emphatic promises that they will "take care of me", and the local expat group, I suddenly have a very busy social calendar. Loving that!
It's MY time now (i.e. party time). Though, I guess I have to get some work done at some point too?
Hard to focus on that when the city has the pre carnaval vibe going on. In my first couple weeks I've been taken to a samba school pre-party (great experience, though gives me a preview of what's waiting in Salvador where we're going to Carnaval, and I learn the perils of drinking where there's no functional bathrooms).
I also checked out the Beyonce concert in Morumbi football stadium, dampened only slightly by the torrential downpour and complete flood in the stadium, but more importantly Now I have learned all about Brazilian music --Ivete sangalo I've now seen sing live twice! She believes she is an international diva like madonna or beyonce apparently, I don't think anyone has the heart to break it to her that no one outside of Brasil has any idea who she is. (She is fab though, you can youtube her Carnaval videos).

And to keep my American ties, I even manage to fit in a super bowl party with the expats. There are a number of Canucks here also, which is always nice to see though the expat crew is well mixed with brits, dutch, americanos, canucks and a number of brazilians who have lived abroad also.

Busy weekends! I think I need a disco nap.